I Don't Care About My Birthday

I turned 39 recently and while that's not a terrible thing it certainly isn't something that I think needs to be celebrated either. I think that 39 is just a boring number and I'd much rather have a big to-do for my 40th next year. As I sit here teetering on the edge of my 40's I am just amazed at how many people were surprised when they asked me what I did for my birthday and my response was "Nothing". Actually that's not entirely true. I shovelled. And I actually paid two teenage hooligans to shovel for me. They did a kick-ass job (as if I had raised them myself) and only wanted $10 to do the work. I gave them $20 cuz I'm a frickin' philanthropist. But honestly, to paraphrase Patton Oswalt, it is ridiculous to give a shit about this birthday. I just wish the people I work with had gotten this message.

See, I've actually created my own monster. There was this dude Andy that worked here and he made the mistake of telling me that he ABSOLUTELY did not want anyone to know about his birthday. But I found out what day it was and since I'm a dickhead I planned a whole thing designed to embarrass and irritate him. It worked wonderfully. However I hadn't thought that maybe he'd get his own revenge when my birthday rolled around. Oh crap. It was awful and even more elaborate and embarrassing. Then Andy got a job somewhere else so I figured the bullshit with the birthdays would leave with him. Nope. Now, today is January what? 14th? My birthday was 3 frickin' days ago and on a Sunday to boot. When I came in on Monday I was confronted with this spectacle:

(forgive the shitty quality but all I had was my cell phone)

That's Sad Sam sitting on my keyboard

Funny enough right? I mean I had to do some manuevering to actually get INTO my cube and it certainly looked like it took them a lot of time to fuck up decorate my cube. So fair enough, you got me. Let's leave it at that ok? Nope. Cue all the nozzles who came by during the day to first gawk at the mess decorations then ask me if it was my birthday. Did you know that sarcasm is lost on most people? Well, it totally is.

But I endured this and slowly removed most of the stuff by the end of Monday. Yesterday my head felt like it was trying to birth Mothra so I stayed home. Today being now several days AFTER my birthday I figured it was over and we could all move on. Nope. The peeps in my group tricked me into a surprise cake thing. I hesitate to call it a party because I generally associate parties with things that are fun and not awkward and ill advised. Luckily the cake was awesome (hooray Lyndell's!!). Look, I don't want to sound like a grumpy old grouch but fucking hell people THAT'S WHAT I AM! So blah blah blah it was a nice gesture and I appreciate it but please cut it out. Seriously.