Thursday, February 23, 2012

Lunchtime All Up In My Face

Today I did not bring my lunch to work so that means it's time to decide OMGWHATISFORLUNCHTIMESUPERFUNTOWN? I have many options to choose from so now I must spend a little time deciding what I want to eat.

Do I want to go to CafĂ© Fail, the barely adequate cafeteria here at the office? No. A thousand times no. Yes, it is super convenient but Holy Hanna is it mediocre at best. They can't even scoop a melon properly. Don't dig so hard that you get little chunks of rind on my honeydew bits goddammit. So, that's out of the equation. Pizza? Subs? Nah. That's boring. What about Flour? Ooooohhh Flour! I could totally go for a sammich that takes 20 minutes to make while hipsters mill around and judge me. Or not. I do like their food though. What about Indian? HOLYSHITINDIANFOODRULES. Hmm, there's Shalimar, or that other place who's name escapes me right now. Nah. Not feeling it. Thai? Hmm, closer...even closer...I could go for some weirdo tofu-based apps. What about Zuzu? Mmmmm...they usually have lots of yummies available. But that's not what I'm lookin' for. Burrito-time? AWESOMETOWNBURRITOFUNHAPPYFACE! Hmm, burritos are glorious wonderfulness but I don't think I can handle the sheer bulk of one at this time. Although, burritos can stand up on their own. It's true. Just place one on it's end and it will sit there patiently waiting for you to stuff it into your mouth. Sadfacecannotdecidedilemmavillage.

OMG. omgomgomgomgomgomg I know what I want. I WANT MARY CHUNG! IWANTCRABRAGOONSANDDUMPLINGSANDHOLYSHITGIVEITTOMEIWILLEATITALL!! I will write an awesome song about going to Mary Chung's to get dumplings! I will sing the song on the way to Mary Chung's. I will eat all the food. I will watch as the ancient man paces from one end of the restaurant to the other over and over again. I will read all the specials scotch taped to the receptionists desk thing. I will listen to MIT professors talk about string theory while shoving won-tons into their faces. I will revel in slurping my soup. I will get only appetizers and it will be FANTASTIC! I will get everything and it will somehow still only cost me $13. I will ingest ridiculous amounts of salt. I will drink all the tea. I will marvel at the spicy dipping sauce. I will perm my hair like a 50-year-old asian woman. I will build a small fort out of egg rolls and scallion pancakes. I will live in Mary Chung's ceiling and blast farts into the heating ducts. I will replace the fortunes in the cookies with excerpts from my manifesto There will be a shortage of Moo Shi. My ankles will swell and I WILL NOT CARE!! HOLYSHITICANNOTWAITTOGO!!

(Update of sorts) Ok, I'm back. I decided to not set up residence after all. I'm feeling rather bloaty and slightly ill. Dumbfattybad. The food was SuperAwesomeTownHIGHFIVE (the name of my band by the way) as expected but my stupid body got all full before I could consume everything in sight. The walk back from the restaurant in the rain made me slightly sadfaced because I was not prepared to be rained on. Walking in the rain with eyeglasses sucks. Ugh. I'm soooooooo full. I feel totally marychunged. Yes, it IS a verb. Why did you let me do that to myself? What is wrong with you people? You KNOW I have no governors. Where is the love?

Perhaps I should have just gotten a salad and some water. I'm totally going back there in a couple weeks.