Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Put the iPhone Down and Step Back

I've lamented before how I wish people could just walk without having to be connected to someone via their phones. I went for a walk recently and the sheer number of people walking around with a phone plastered to their ear was ridiculous. At one point this woman was walking behind me blathering on her phone and I had to stop and pretend to read a sign so that she could go past me. I just couldn't deal with her conversation interrupting my supposedly refreshing walk. It's bullshit. Put the phone down and walk to wherever you're going. When you get there, if you still feel like you absolutely need to tell Brenda about how awesome your yoga class was and how it was so super hot in there but it didn't matter cuz everyone was in harmony and god the instructor was a total hottie and now you want some lunch and SHUT THE FUCK UP! Oh my god, PLEASE shut up.

This need to be connected to everything at all times confuses me. Granted I'm an old fuddy-duddy but can't we just unplug ourselves for a certain amount of time during the day (and I'm not including sleep here .. The Wiff actually has a radio that she listens to all night long. I think it's to keep the voices in her head at bay)? I was in an elevator at my office this morning and this woman got on with me. Right there I'm annoyed because she was a swooper. She swooped in at the last minute. I believe she was planning on taking the stairs originally but saw the open elevator and jumped at the opportunity, thus ruining my chance for a solo ride. She hit the 3rd floor button (we got in on the 1st floor) and then immediately took out her Blackberry. Look lady, you're going to be at your desk in what? 5 minutes? Can't you wait that long to check your email? I'm standing there watching her scroll, scroll, scroll through emails when the door opens on her floor and she doesn't make a move. I chose not to say anything because I was interested in seeing if she'd even notice. The doors eventually started to close again and that must have snapped her out of her dreamscape. She lunged towards them and thrust her arm through the narrowing gap (but not the one holding her precious, precious Blackberry). I think the doors actually let out an exasperated sigh as they opened up again. Good work lady, you managed to annoy an inanimate object.

I spend the bulk of my work day in front of a computer so when I leave the office the last thing I want to do is look at another computer screen when I get home. I'm no technophobe, I love me some shiny shiny gadgets and I built my last desktop computer meself (pushes glasses up on nose and gets shoved into a locker...ha! the joke is on you Mr. Bully, I can't fit into a locker), but I can't let it creep into every aspect of my life. It's bad enough that my TV viewing habits seem to have escalated as of late (I blame hockey for this but only because I refuse to shoulder any responsibility for my own behavior) but ever since The Wiff bought a laptop I find myself sitting in front of the TV with the frickin' laptop on my, well, lap. Basically I'm a hypocrite ok? What I'm going to do is curb my own behavior. I admit to having a minor Facebook addiction as well as an obsession with checking to see if anyone posted any comments here at ye olde blog (usually it's a "Nope"). If I can ween myself off this stuff to the point where maybe I get outside a little more often (without my phone), I'd be happy with that.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Oh, Good Thing I Have a Clutch

Yes, it has been awhile since I have updated ye olde blog. This is not to say that I have nothing to say but to say that I can't think of what I want to say or how to say it. I have a form of writer's block I guess. Blogger's block? Can we do away with the word "blog" please? It's a shitty word. I don't know what would replace it that would be an improvement though. "Journal" is pretentious, "diary" sounds like it should be hidden in 12-year-old girls room. "Chronicle" maybe? Nah, that just makes me think of Mary Richardson and how HD is totally not her friend (which I suspect is the real reason behind her retiring next month). Let's come back to this at a later date shall we? No, let's drop it and forget that I even brought it up? Ok, I'm easy like Sunday morning.

Last night it took me a combined 2 and a half hours to get home from Cambridge. That includes a walk from the office to the garage (it's about 3 blocks up the street from the office) in a ridiculous downpour which, because I did not have my umbrella with me, soaked me like the proverbial drowned rat. My pants were ridiculously wet. I did have a semi-water resistant jacket on so my upper body and head were somewhat protected but my shoes, socks and pants were stupid wet. I made squish squish sounds when I walked across the garage floor. Then, after winding my way down the ramps I encountered a traffic jam in the garage. "Oh, what the fuck", I said to no one. "C'mon people, let's frickin' move it." I was just about to beep my horn to encourage the person 3 cars ahead of me to step on the goddamn gas when I realized that it wasn't that person's fault that we weren't moving (I had assumed it was their fault cuz their car was at this wonky angle halfway in the other "lane"). There was something wrong with the gates. They were stuck and refused to go up thus trapping all these cars.

The line behind me quickly grew and people started getting out of their cars, wandering slowly over to where they could get a look at what was going on and stand there staring blankly at the gates. Hi, um...are you people experts in fixing stupid gates that won't move? No? Ok, then could you get back in your fucking cars then? You aren't helping. And I don't want you to think that since we are both stuck in the same line of traffic that we are now best friends and you can talk to me. I assure you that this is not the case so don't bother trying to make eye contact. I will look straight through you and pretend that the Mazda parked behind you is amazingly interesting. 'Kay? 'Kay. Did I mention that I'm soaking wet and my feet are probably all pruney?

Finally after 18 minutes (yes, fucking 18 minutes) the garage dudes got the gates to open and we all spilled out into the street. The woman who was right in front of me decided that she wanted to see what it was like to drive in London and was way over on the left-hand side of the ramp. When another car coming into the garage beeped at her, she screamed at them out her window and flipped them off. Of course she did. This is why I hate people you see. I then started my dreaded drive home. The Wiff was going out with some friends so I didn't have to pick her up so in theory, since it was a little after 5pm, I should get home by quarter of 6...give or take 5 minutes. Sweet. Let's go people, move yer ass. Marky wants a nap. It was still raining at this point but it had lightened up significantly (meaning if I had just waited in my office for another 40 minutes or so I would have avoided getting wet AND stuck in the garage).

Getting out of Cambridge at this time of night is never an easy, pleasant thing to do but for whatever reason (Sox game in town, rain, stupid humans) traffic was just crawling everywhere I went. I abandoned the idea of going my usual way through the tunnel because as this is a school vacation week here in Mass, the traffic over by the Museum of Science is obscene. I made my way over to the Tobin and while trying desperately to remember my mantra of  N.O.T.S.M. ("None Of This Shit Matters". I even had custom silicone wristbands made. I'm wearing one right now), I must admit I refused to let quite a few people squeeze in line in front of me. I believe I may have even muttered "Hey, go fuck yourself there Billy." a few times. I admit it isn't very enlightened of me but I wasn't feeling particularly charitable last night. By the time I made it over to Revere Beach I had been driving in stop and go traffic for over an hour and a half. My clutch leg was yelling at me and I was starting to wonder if I'd ever get to use any gears higher than 3rd (short answer: yes, briefly to 4th but only to immediately be forced back down the gearbox to 2nd).

By the time I pulled into the driveway it was a little after 7pm. I had left my desk at just past 4:30. Fuck me. I live a scant 15 miles from my office. That is just a stupid amount of time to go that short distance. I would also like to call out the shitty traffic updates on WBZ radio. All they did was briefly mention that Rt. 1 north was "hung up" back to Sargent St. (for those of you who aren't from this area just know that Rt. 1 is almost always hung up back to Sargent St. so that's not really helpful). What they failed to mention was that no, Rt. 1 was actually backed up all the way onto the Tobin bridge itself. I really think that they don't monitor this road properly and seem to focus more on west and south of Boston. Wow. I just bored myself with that paragraph. Look, the take-home message here is that there are too many people on the road and in my way. If everyone could pull the fuck over and let me get past them I would be eternally grateful and I might even not swear at them as I drive by. No promises though.

Friday, April 2, 2010


Hi there. I've been pretty busy at work lately so my goofing off time has been reduced drastically. I'll spare you the details since they are less than exciting. It's just work stuff anyway. The kitchen project is not actually starting until the end of April. I was a little premature (what's up ladies? oh wait...) in my last post about when this thing would get going. It still looks like it'll get done before the end of May though so that's just lovely. Oh, and we'll have an eat-in kitchen for the first time since moving into the house almost 12 years ago. That'll be schweet. I like having my breakfast in the kitchen.

I'm in a reading slump right now. I need a good book to kind of kick start my brain. I recently re-read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and it .. um .. wasn't as good as I remembered. I read it originally in high school and I thought it was brilliant and funny. This time around I thought it was kinda hacky and the comedy seemed forced. But please keep in mind that I write this fucking bullshit blog thing so you can totally ignore my opinion. Whatever, why are you so mean to me? Why can't I say what I think anymore without you saying things like, "Oh, you think you're so great huh? How many books have you had published? Has this stupid blog been turned into a movie? No? Then FUCK YOU Mark!" Jeez, lay off Billy. My opinion is just that dammit: Mine. I can call out Adams as a not-so-great author and that's perfectly valid. So there. Fuck you, you judgmental cunt.

Ok, then. Got a little side-tracked for a sec. Books. Yes. I need to find some books to read so that I don't get any dumber. Suggestions? I'm not logging into Good Reads or whatever that site is so don't suggest that (I'm looking at YOU Nancy). I'm just too lazy for that. So please do all the work for me. Thanks. Chop chop people...let's get moving.