A Night on the Town With Yours Truly

The Wiff and I went to see Louis CK last night and had a blast. Let's back up a bit here and be honest with each other ok? Ok. The show was really fun and I was really glad that I got to see Louis perform (he was on for close to 2 hours with the encore and then signed stuff in the lobby after the show) and the opener Ted Alexandro was also very funny (I didn't realize there was going to be an opening act and I'm glad that it was Ted) but I think that I shouldn't be allowed to go out anymore. Lemme 'splain.

The show was at The Orpheum and if you taller than say, 5 foot 9, you are going to be uncomfortable in your seat at this lovely venue (which Louis called "a dump" last night. He isn't wrong. The person running the spotlight seemed not to understand the concept and when Louis would move about the stage the spotlight sometimes just stayed put. In one awkward showdown Louis stepped over to his left slightly and the spotlight didn't budge. He stood there continuing his thought for a bit and then realizing that the person behind the spotlight had passed out or been kidnapped or something and wasn't going to follow him, he stepped back into the light. Nice job Orpheum. Also every now and then some confetti [I think it was confetti, it could have been paint chips for all I know] would drift down lazily from the light rig above Louis head. I don't know how he didn't point it out unless he just didn't notice them. But they fell periodically throughout the show. Not as egregious certainly but it did distract). I'm 6 foot 2-ish and um..fat. So, I was pretty uncomfortable in my seat from the get-go. I had a great seat as far as being able to see the stage but come on Orpheum, where the fuck am I supposed to put my legs? I ended up cramming myself into the seat (and honestly the issue was being too tall not too fat ... shut up, it was) and made myself as comfortable as possible. I put the sleeve of my jacket between my left knee and the seat directly in front of me to hopefully act as a buffer of some sort and settled in for an evening of ignoring the discomfort. But then she sat down.

I know what you're thinking (actually I don't. I have no idea if anyone reads this let alone what that random person could be thinking. Let's face it, even if I knew that you, whoever you are were reading this right now and I was staring intently at your face [you have a little somethin'-somethin' on your cheek there...no, other side] I still wouldn't have an idea of what, if anything you were thinking): "Oh no! A big woman sat down and crushed Mark's widdle knee! Oh what an outpouring of sympathy I have for him in my very soul!" Nope, it was a little, tiny chick. But this little woman devastated my knee repeatedly but leaning forward in her chair and then SLAMMING herself backwards at a high rate of speed EVERY time she laughed. Intellectually I know that she did not purposely set out to unload several tons of crushing force onto my poor patella (look it up bitches) but I grew to hate this girl.

She seemed oblivious to my every attempt at making her as uncomfortable as possible by jamming my hand between my knee and her chair (not recommended by the way. Did you know you have pain receptors in your hands too? FACT). I would occasionally bonk my right knee into her chair to sort of disrupt her evening. She became the focus of my hate and fury. I began to wish that horrible things would happen to her and her family and people that she worked with at the Quiznos or whatever. My hate spilled over onto her boyfriend sitting next to her who was NOT slamming himself into his chair. Why couldn't you sit where she is sitting you asshole? Can't you control this little trollop? She's making a guy you don't know and will never see again uncomfortable. Meanwhile, I'm missing the show and distracting the Wiff as well. I guess I could have asked her to cut the fucking shit with the over-enthusiastic whole-body guffaws before I was rendered crippled but it was then that I realized that she's just enjoying herself and isn't that what we're all here to do? I stuffed the other sleeve of my jacket between my knee and her chair and got over myself. A proud moment of maturity you could say.

So what did I learn? I learned that I am probably going to continue to really hate being in crowds but unless I want to become a complete recluse (a single recluse too I might add since I doubt the Wiff would put up with that for too long), I'm going to have to suck it up and stop being such a whiny bitch.

Really? That's THIS Weekend? Shit.

I need to be more honest with myself. I still tend to suffer under the delusion that I'm social and a night owl. This from a guy who is usually asleep by 10 pm (or earlier...wassup ladies?). Back in September I had tickets to go see The Walkmen play in Cambridge and I didn't end up going. The show was on a Thursday night (a "school night") and I had been in a training session all week so I was dead tired. I was driving back from the training, stuck in traffic on the dreaded Rt. 128 when it dawned on me that there was no way I would be able to get myself to go to the show that night. If the show was at like 8 or 9 pm then maybe (and that's a pretty big 'maybe' too) I would have made it. But they didn't even go on until 11pm which means that I'd get home, have dinner, watch a lil' boob tube and then try to pry myself off of my chair to go BACK into town for the show. I'm too old and tired for that. Especially if I have to drag myself into work the next day.

Ok, so lesson learned right? Nope. Back in December (I think) The Wiff found out that And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead were coming to town and we should totally go! Hmm. They were playing on a Sunday night in March so I could even take the next day off if I planned for it. Which of course I didn't. Since we bought the tickets so far in advance, I procrastinated on asking for that Monday off. Flash forward to a week before the show and The Wiff reminds me that "Hey guess what? The show is this Sunday (last Sunday now, March 1st)." Oh crap. I can't possibly get the Monday off because of stuff going on at work. Oh crap. There's also a huge-ass snow storm coming that night as well. "Um...honey? Yeah, um...I don't think I wanna go to this show either." See? I'm dumb.

That's 2 shows within a span of 5 months that I've blown off AFTER buying tickets. I even tried desperately to get someone to buy the tickets off me before they became useless but alas, everyone I know is also old and tired. Either that or they didn't know who the band was.

But on March 14th, The Wiff and I are going to see Louis CK at The Orpheum and I'm really excited for this show. Plus: it's on a Saturday! I'm a big fan of his comedy and we scored the same seats that we had for the Eddie Izzard show. Bonus.

Oh by the by, I'm going to do the Five Boro Bike Tour on May 3rd down in New York. Now I just have to get back into biking shape within 2 months. Hmm, years of abuse and neglect turned 180° in a really short time? No problem. I'm looking forward to this ride because it's a ride not a frickin' race. I can pedal my girth at my own damn pace thank you very much. Plus it's a good excuse to hang out with my friends Dave and Solh. I just hope I don't blow it off. No promises.