The Saddest Mid-Life Crisis Ever

I first saw her on the internet on one of those sites. You know the ones. She wasn't my usual type but damn, she looked good and her information seemed promising. I arranged to meet up with her and that was the start of things. I was so excited. I had never done anything like this before. When we finally met it didn't take long for me to fall for her. Her online profile did her justice and the pics did not lie. We only went out once but after that it was obvious to me that I'd be with her for a while. I'm a commitment kind of guy after all. It was an exciting time.

The first month or so of the relationship was rocky at best, making me jumpy and irritable. But we worked on how to communicate better and soon there was a mutual give and take. I learned to recognize her signals and sometimes not-so-subtle suggestions. She saw how I operated and adjusted. It had become comfortable and nice, even familiar. Everything seemed to be going well but then I started to...question things. That nagging sensation I had been ignoring for the last several months was getting stronger. What is this feeling? Is it a wanderlust? What is it that I'm looking for? Am I afraid of settling down? Or is it just that goddamn clutch and the fact that the radio doesn't work?

And so, after 2-plus years of being together, the Jetta and I have broken up. It was a hard decision that I'd like to say was a mutual thing but honestly, I can't. I left her. She seemed bitter at the end and I can't say I blame her. I'm not sure she saw it coming at all. Although I did complain daily about driving a manual transmission to and from Cambridge that's hardly her fault. She was pretty up-front about the fact that she was a stick. That's all on me. Maybe I was experimenting or trying to prove to myself that yes, I can drive 5-speed car every day and not blow out the clutch or stall every 15 feet. She was supportive of me during that learning period (in her own Prussian way) and that's why I still have feelings for her. But it's over between us. I hope her new situation works out.

I'm already seeing another car. Actually, I made it official the other day. I am now with an asian. That's right. When most guys go through their mid-life crisis it involves destroying their marriage and/or going nuts and buying a new Porsche or something along those lines. Not me. I just hem and haw for months on end trying to rationalize replacing a perfectly decent car that will easily last several more years with one that gets worse gas mileage and is quite frankly, a larger car than I need. But see, this one is an automatic and therefore it doesn't make my left leg hurt in traffic. And it's New. And Shiny. And Everything Works. Hee! So without further ado, I present to you the result of the saddest mid-life crisis ever: The 2011 Hyundai Sante Fe.

Sorry Jetta, but you never stood a chance. No hard feelings ok?